Sunday, 22 September 2013

The first time. Breaking free from sexual repression.

As he gently traced his fingers over my sweet heart neckline, a tingling sensation started in my toes. I was warm, wet and ready to burst. I wondered if I was about to have an orgasm, is it even possible to come without being naked?   He knew I had never explored my own body. He wanted me to experience how it felt, understand how it worked, with me, for me. He taught me that ancient taboos and spells are broken with a single touch, in the right place by the right person at the right time, if you let them.

I was curious about sex, but was I ready? His tender caresses felt so good. My body was begging for more but I didn't want him to stop doing what he was doing. No need to rush. Everything about the situation seemed perfect. Secret, lustful, pampering and seductive. How could it possibly be wrong? Who makes up the rules that say I shouldn't have sex until I either find a husband or at least Mr Right? Who makes us believe that a first love should also be the one and only love? Who makes us feel that it is sinful to be sensual? That we must be smart, pretty, alluring perhaps, but never ask for sex in an obvious way? Who started the rumour that no guy will remember or respect you if you give in to sex to easily?

Dear Aphrodite knows that some men will never forget that night you let all you inhibitions aside and dared to be your truest sexiest self.

Like most repressed people of the world, the permission to be free has to first come from the repressed. The truth is women's sexuality was forced into submission because it was feared, misunderstood and it can still be intimidating. There is a security in confinement. A method that provides a routine, and if we aren't happy we either try to break free or repress ourselves further. That part of us that can't be controlled becomes what we fear most.

Judgement is born through repression. Women are called sluts and whores or put on a pedestal.  Fearful or feared. Perhaps we identify more with one or the other, but most likely we are bit of both.

Every heterosexual man would like to please a woman they lust after. If they can't find out how to please her they'll eventually blame the recipient and rarely themselves.  They do everything they know. Their egos can't deal with feelings of inadequacy. Of course the way to unleash ourselves and them is to start by being honest. Educate and explore ourselves, communicate our desires, dance naked in the living room, touch yourself.  Read erotica, join the Ode to Aphrodite , Dear Aphrodite facebook or Aphrodisiac me Tumblr pages for inspiration and tantalising content. Don't just look at your body in the mirror, explore it, masturbate in front of it, open the window, let the sun and wind caress your body too. Thrill your self with sex toys, find your bliss. When the time is right, without shame, you can share your desires and all of your fantasies with someone else.

Some women have been powerfully expressing their sexuality, without shame, since time began. Which is why Dear Aphrodite's favourite movie of the month is Kama Sutra - A tale of love.

Kama Sutra - A tale of love trailer

A King falls in love with his concubine, she is beautiful and trained in the art of seduction and sexual satisfaction. She is ultimately his slave, but he can't make her love him because she is in love with a sculptor.  It is set in the 16th century full of stunning music, images, a fascinating insight into the ancient art of seduction, and that most intriguing of all relationships, friendship and jealousy between two women.

Here is the link to the full length movie  Kama Sutra - A tale of love.

An article by the The Australian, Jealousy, sex and mummies: Why women hate women, looks at the modern take on this age old dilemma between women. Focusing on ourselves will build our self confidence, which eliminates the need to be bitchy towards other women and their choices... or doubt our own choices.

In many cultures and some families, women are coerced into believing other people's ideals of what relationships and sex should be, rather than developing their own truth and listening to their own bodies. Is it any wonder our first loves tend to become obsessions that never live up to our expectations? That we expect men to fall in love with us just because we have sex with them or perhaps ignore us if we do or don't. If one woman is repressed we all are.

Here is a perfect example of the paradox. In a provoking article by Rabbi Shmuley No Holds Barred: The dangers of religious sexual repression, we are presented with arguments against religious repression, and by a Rabbi nonetheless. At the same time he tells women to cover up, make men lust after you but don't give too much of yourself too often.  Do it in the dark if you will and only with a husband. Ironically part of his rise to fame was an article he once wrote for Playboy magazine.

Men are not free of problems either.  'Unveiling the madonna - whore complexis an article by Jodie Gummow that captures the dichotomy of the good girl vs bad girl image. In reality we are all capable of being Ice Queens by day and Fiery Devils by night.

We can be hard to relate too. We confuse many emotions with love.  Lust can make us unstable. At certain times sex is great, necessary, important, at other times we are completely indifferent. In a single month we can cycle through 'too much is never enough' - to - 'don't you dare touch me and your doing it all wrong.'

We love to nurture and be nurtured.  We love to be in total control and at other times totally subservient. Sometimes our partners can't be gentle and slow enough, and suddenly we want to dominate. We want to be pampered and, at other times they can't overcome us long enough, hard enough or fast enough. The key to this conundrum is first discovering what we really want, when we really want it and communicating it. Dear Aphrodite's favourite blog of the month comes from Layla Martin, her post What does it mean to fuck like a woman, captures some of the subtle and stark complexities of our sexuality.

With all these differing moods, swinging hormones, phases, and life stages our needs are constantly developing and changing. We may have strong preferences but sometimes the hard part is figuring out who we are and what we really want. In this article about discovering your Sex personality Tracey Cox outlines the good and not so good of 5 different sex personalities. Erotophilic or erotophobic? Which one do you relate to? Perhaps you are a little bit of everything, every woman.

Do orgasms make you laugh, cry, scream, moan, none or all of the above. Are you one of the 50% of women that have never had one? Kim Anami describes perfectly in our quote of the month, why it's necessary to explore further.
"I’ve come to view orgasms as one of the most powerful and effective personal growth tools we have access to. And they’re free. They’re portable. Available any time, anywhere..."  
In the following movie 6 women discuss orgasms and masturbation. Dear Aphrodite was hoping to find the link to a documentary made in 2009 about the recent discoveries of the clitoris. This is not that documentary but it also explains the anatomy of the one and only human pleasure organ.  It's a french film with subtitles. Make a cup of tea before you sit down to watch it. It's like a conversation you've never had with a group of your girlfriends.

The holy grail of an orgasm is the clitoris. Even after thousands of years of sexual exploration the clitoris, it seems, has been left till last. Most people still think it's the tiny lump inside the labia at the top of the vulva. In the 90's we began searching for the 'G spot.' Some people believe it's non existent, others believe it's where the corpus cavernosum and bulb of vestibule come together. Here's a diagram organ designed for pleasure. We knew something was there but who knew it was that big?

Courtesy of skepticink
Robert T Gonzalez gives us more information on the mystery of the clitoris. The Museum of Sex has an in depth article about this internal organ and more diagrams too.

As promised Dear Aphrodite will feature one a gentleman every month and where better to start than alphabetically.  Anthony was also chosen because his profile oozes knowledge about the differing needs of a woman. He knows that some of us need to learn how to discover ourselves, and some of us need to give the instructions. He can be master or servant. Log in to see Anthony's profile and hear his audio tape under the companions tab at Aphrodisiac Male Escorts. While your there check out the two new profiles from Will and Marcus too.

Courtesy of Raising Ecstasy

A lot has changed since the contraceptive pill and the sexual revolution of the 60's, but it will probably be another 1000 years before women all over the world truly know what it means to be free. The pendulum is in full swing.

Courtesy of Evans Cartoons
 Next month we'll look at sexual healing. Is seeing an escort better than seeing a therapist? Misconceptions about sex workers and role reversal of the 'pretty woman concept'.  It may or may not be a legitimate concept, but Dear Aphrodite promises to make one up based on her own experiences and theories.